10 Reasons Why James Potter
by JRDN
Summary: ...Is More Gentlemanly Than Sirius Black. When Sirius makes a throwaway comment, James takes it to heart. Calamity ensues. Rated T for frequent swearing and underage drinking, or how normal teenagers behave.
1. Chapter 1

_**Ten Reasons Why James Potter Is More Gentlemanly Than Sirius Black, Or, Why James Will Never Get Laid As Much As Sirius**_

_Summary: _

_James Potter; most popular boy in Gryffindor, 6__th__ Year, and all of Hogwarts. James Potter; Transfiguration genius, teenage animagus, Marauder. James Potter; gentleman, romantic, hopeless._

_Disclaimer; if I owned this, would it really only be published on here? _

***

James Potter walks down one of Hogwarts' numerous hallways, humming a tune that's been buzzing around in his head all day. It's one of those tunes he hears Sirius sing in the shower, that proceeds to get stuck in his head all day and generally annoy everyone around him while he attempts to figure out what it is.

After one such day, Remus finally lost patience, asking him why he doesn't just ask Sirius what the song is when it's obviously where he's heard it to begin with.

"Because, Moony, it's the principle of the thing," was the answer. James Potter _does not_ ask Sirius what the names of songs are, as Sirius Black is widely acknowledged to have the Worst Taste In Music Of Any Hogwarts Student, Ever. Besides, James likes to think he knows more than Sirius, even though any other person in the year – Sirius included – would tell you they're on an even footing, complementing each other. James is better at Transfiguration and Defence, Sirius Charms and Potions.

Neither of them are any good at Divination.

However, due to James' intense concentration while he tries to place the name of the song, he doesn't notice the small fact that he's arrived at the top of one of the moving staircases. Or at least, he doesn't until his foot sinks firmly into the trick step.

"Bugger," he thinks. After an experimental wriggle with his leg, he reconsiders this thought. "Buggerfuck," He's definitely stuck there until someone comes along to free him.

Joy.

***

"Oh why, hellooooo James. Whatever are you doing down there old bean?"

"Oh, you know me Sirius, wherever the laziness strikes and all that."

"Need a hand?"

"…no."

"Don't you roll your eyes at me James Harold Potter!"

"Don't middle name me, Sirius Orion Black!"

"Touché. Anyway, listen, do you need a hand out or not, only I'm on the way to the kitchens to feed Harold."

"Sirius, I've told you before to stop naming your stomach after my middle name. It's fucking creepy."

"Who says he's named after you. Egomaniac, honestly."

"Sirius, fuck off and help me out 'cause I want a muffin."

"You're lucky you have such a great best friend you know."

"I do know Sirius. Now let's fuck off sharpish, before Filch turns up and threatens to chain us to his ceiling."

"He's a right kinky bugger, our Filch."

"Sirius…"

"Fucking off."

"Good puppy."

***


	2. Chapter 2

_Summary: _

_James Potter; most popular boy in Gryffindor, 6__th__ Year, and all of Hogwarts. James Potter; Transfiguration genius, teenage animagus, Marauder. James Potter; gentleman, romantic, hopeless._

_Disclaimer; if I owned this, would it really only be published on here? _

***

It's 9pm on a wet and windy Thursday in late September, the kind of night when James is content simply to sit in the Gryffindor common room with his friends. Unfortunately for James, none of his friends are present at the moment. However, James is Not Bothered.

At all.

In fact, he is so very Not Bothered, he's contemplating going upstairs to collect the Marauders Map from its current home under his pillow to check on exactly where in the castle his remaining three Marauders are. It's not that he's lonely, and really who would be with what seems like eight billion girls fawning over them every minute of the day?

It's just that he's curious to see what could possibly be keeping his friends from being with James. Honestly, that's all.

Remus, he decides, will most likely be in the Library, wanking over his Shakespud books or an author of a similair style_. "A boring style,"_ he thinks to himself, snickering gently. It's not that Moony isn't a real Marauder, it's just that he spends far more time locked in a dusty library will only the vulture stuffed into a woman-suit known as Pince for company.

"Moony, Moony, Moony," he murmurs gently, skimming over the Library looking for the little dot labelled "Remus Lupin". He stops skimming. Remus is indeed located in the Library, only he's not alone. "Chloe Buchanan," he recites aloud. Curiously, the two little dots are moving quite rapidly towards the exit of the library. Turning left, James and the Map observe the two book aficionados heading for what James knows personally to be a very isolated and private cupboard.

"Oh god," he breathes. "They're going to have_ little dot sex_."

This is an interesting development. Remus Lupin, in all six years James has known him, has been on a total of two dates. It's not that Moony's ugly, James thinks, it's simply that he doesn't want to get to close to anyone only for them to reject him due to his lycanthropy. And yet, here he is, sneaking off to private cupboards – from his library time, no less – to have little dot person sex.

James hopes they use protection, and he doesn't mean a dust-jacket.

Thankfully for him, a glance at the lower levels reveals no surprises; the dot representing Peter Pettigrew is found in the kitchen, surrounded by house elves who are no doubt delighted to be in such demand. _"At least Wormtail's not changed his habits,"_ thinks James with a small smile. He would be very much shocked to find Wormtail running off to a broom cupboard with a pretty sixth year Ravenclaw. It would simply tilt the world a few degrees too far, causing untold chaos and suffering across the globe.

It is in moments like these James admits he may be a slight drama queen.

He continues to pore over the Map. "Sirius Black, Sirius Black, Sirius, _effing,_ Black," is the chant as James looks for his best friend.

"Yes, Prongs babe?" comes the unexpected enquiry, almost giving James a heart attack due to it's sudden appearance in the previously serene dormitory atmosphere.

"Padfoot, you utter, utter, _wanker_," he says. After a brief pause while his heart slows down enough to stop pounding in his ears, he continues. "Wanker."

"True, but from the sounds of you repeating my name there, sounds like I'm not alone in that department, harhar, nudge, nudge, wink, wink," comes the quick reply and accompanying lecherous wink. He flops down on the end of James' bed, with a casualness only betrayed by the smug look on his face.

It's either smugness, or "I have eaten too much at dinner but I do not care." Perhaps it's a combination of both, James muses, taking a moment to ponder the great mystery known only as The Look On Sirius' Face.

Either way, he's still a wanker.

"Where have you been? I checked the entire fifth floor on the Map," James says, sounding even to his own ears like a distressed mother.

"Ah, that's where you went wrong Prongs mate. You've been checking out Shagger's Row, while I have been entertaining my lady friend in the Room of Requirement," comes the casual reply, as if Sirius hasn't just spent the past hour or so getting Thoroughly Sexed.

"Pshtt," James says, good naturedly. He doesn't mind when Sirius comes back bragging of his shagging exploits, because he knows he couldn't do what Sirius does, couldn't have a different girl every night on every floor of the castle without being caught.

Anyway, he loves Lily Evans and everyone knows it.

"Oi, Prongs! What the fuck is Moony's dot doing to this other dot?" comes the strangled cry from Sirius. James grins. This could be entertaining to see if Sirius has a heart attack upon realising exactly _what_ the dots are up to.

He conveniently forgets that he almost had one himself.


	3. Chapter 3

_Summary: _

_James Potter; most popular boy in Gryffindor, 6__th__ Year, and all of Hogwarts. James Potter; Transfiguration genius, teenage animagus, Marauder. James Potter; gentleman, romantic, hopeless._

_Disclaimer; if I owned this, would it really only be published on here? _

***

"How did this happen?"

"Sirius, it's not like you've never done it,"

"But I'm me! This is fucking _Moony_ we're talking about!"

"Oh well done, six years living together and you know his name, and people said you were stupid,"

"Oh fuck you and your fucking sarcasm Potter, people like Moony just do not go about shagging in cupboards. It _Does Not Happen,_ alright?"

"What the fuck do you mean, 'people like Moony?'"

"Wha- not _that_, you utter goompiss, I mean that he's all quintessential British schoolboy and a Proper Gentleman,"

"I'm a Proper Gentleman you tosser!"

"And how many girls have you had sex with in the last two weeks?"

"…not the fucking Point,"

"What is the Point, then? I think your Not Having Sex is in fact definitely the Point,"

"Fuck off, it's not the Point. The Point is that I'm a gentleman and your all lewd, crude, and soon-to-be tattooed and you're all 'fancy a shag, darling?' and all the birds fall arse over tits for it,"

"Yes, and that's because you're a gentleman and I'm a manwhore, therefore I get More Than You Do,"

"Aw fuck off. I bet you I can get More Than You in two weeks by being a Real Gentleman than you can being a Real Prick,"

"Prongs, are you proposing a Marauder Bet?"

"Yes. Yes I fucking am, Padfoot,"

"Oh you are so on."

***

_Author's note; short chapter, but just to get the bet out there in the open._

_Please review etc. Thanks (:_


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